Eight Signs That You're Secretly Turning Her Off With Your Kisses

Short of being terrible in bed, being a bad kisser is many a young man’s biggest fear. But how can you tell if you’re good or if you’re a bumbling, sloppy mess? Most women won’t be so forward as to tell you straight up that you aren’t a good kisser, but there are ways of finding out through more subtle cues. If any of the following are happening to you regularly, it might be time to brush up on your kissing skills:

1. She’s Backing Away From You

If you are kissing your partner and you can feel her leaning backwards or wriggling away from you, this is a strong sign that you are kissing too forcefully. You know how cats will move their heads when you’re scratching them so that you hit the exact right spot? Women do this too, to control the intensity of the kisses you give them. Take her cue, and relax: adjust your body so that it is leaning into her less aggressively, and take it down a notch to a more gentle, intimate kiss.

2. Your Breath Is Cringe-Worthy

Bad breath is an absolute deal breaker for a good kiss, so you’ll need to make sure that you’re rocking fresh breath at all times. But, again, it can be difficult to know if you have bad breath, so look for cues from people around you, and not just those you’re kissing. You might have an unusually honest co-worker or friend who will tell you if you need to freshen up, but if people are guarding their noses when you talk to them, you’re going to need to up your oral hygiene. It’s pretty simple, guys: Brush your teeth twice a day, floss every day, and carry mints or gum for when you’ve had a particularly onion-heavy lunch.

3. Most Of Your Tongue Is Inside Her Mouth

While kissing, take stock of how much of your tongue has made it inside your partner’s mouth. Contrary to the belief of a lot of men, less is more when it comes to tongues and kissing. Your tongue should be gently probing, not swishing around the inside of her mouth, so if you are finding that you’re well inside her mouth, you’re probably not making this a pleasant experience for her. Again, just simply back off a little, and you’ll markedly improve the situation.

4. You’re Darting Your Tongue In And Out

Let’s stay on the topic of tongues, given that they’re an important component of kissing (and a common way to get it wrong). The movement of your tongue should be gentle and consistent, not darting, frantic or sporadic. Your partner will probably give you cues if your kissing technique is too abrupt, but you should also be able to gauge this yourself. Consider it from her perspective: Would you want someone else’s wet tongue flapping around your mouth like a freshly caught fish? Probably not.

5. Your Teeth Keep Knocking

Teeth knocks happen from time to time, even to the best kissers, but if you are constantly bumping teeth, this is a sign that you need to brush up on your technique. Again, this probably means you’re being too forceful, or the positioning of your mouth needs adjusting: make sure that your mouth is ajar and your teeth have some coverage from your lips.

6. She Doesn’t Want To Keep Kissing

If your date has been going very well and you’ve landed a first kiss, pay attention to her response after that point. If you go in for further kisses and she pulls away or doesn’t seem interested, it could be because your technique was lacking. There are many reasons a woman might kiss you and then not want to kiss again, so don’t chalk this one up entirely to you being a bad kisser, but if this is one of a combination of a few signs on this list, that should be a pretty good sign that you could stand to be a little smoother next time.

7. She Has To Keep Gasping For Breath

Kissing should be a romantic, enjoyable experience, not a frantic ordeal reminiscent of an asthma attack. Make sure you are giving your partner enough space to breathe, and if she’s constantly backing off to come up for air, there’s a good chance that you might be being too overbearing with your technique. Good kissing on screen often looks passionate and intense, but in real life it generally has lots of pauses and quiet, tentative moments when your lips are brushing tenderly, so try to make sure you manage to vary the intensity a little bit.

8. You Have Stiff Body Language

Kissing is something you do with your lips, but it’s not entirely limited to what’s happening with your mouths. If your posture is stiff and awkward, your partner will notice this, and it will make the experience poorer for both of you. Try to adopt relaxed body language even if you’re nervous, and make sure you are using your hands to full effect, by placing them on her thighs, on the small of her back or by cupping her face. Good hand placement and usage can really take a so-so kiss to the next level — but don't try to get too handsy without warning, 

Kissing can be a nerve-wracking experience, and there are lots of ways to get it wrong, but these tend to fall into the same category: being too forceful or frantic, and not giving your partner enough space. If you can get this under control — and, let’s face it, it’s not really that hard — you will be an expert kisser in no time.